she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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