Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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