we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
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