I can tuck mytits in my pants
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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