We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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