i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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