i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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