come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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