i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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