How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
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We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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