I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize