What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize