Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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