She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize