just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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