jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize