wakey wakey hands off snakey
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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