I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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