you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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