I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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