just tell him i said nine months
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
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don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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