i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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