I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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