I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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