I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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