THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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