You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
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yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
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I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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