she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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