Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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