It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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