i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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