So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
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I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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