i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize