Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
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Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
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I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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