I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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