no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
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Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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