the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
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Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
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