I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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