isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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