I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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