Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
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Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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