The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
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Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
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I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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