I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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