It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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