It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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