after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The best revenge is premature balding
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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