Banned from zoo.
Again?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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