Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This is the high leading the old right now
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
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Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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