I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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