tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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